Dual....:-)
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
