she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
