I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
