I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
