Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my phone needs a breathalizer
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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