In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
