We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
