we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
