3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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