She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
