So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
