Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
