What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
