TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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