dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize