No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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