he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
