Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
