At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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