So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
