There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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