I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hippo gnu deer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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