I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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