I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
