i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
