god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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