I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
