There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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