The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize