I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
