she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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