How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
