First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
