she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
