I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
