i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
