Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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