We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize