Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
