Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize