she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
