I can't breathe out the right side of my face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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