how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
