I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
