The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
