I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
