is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
