I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
