she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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