I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
