Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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