just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
as a side note pls kill me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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