I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
