i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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