so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize