Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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