Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
