Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
