i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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