1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize