Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
