Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
