Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
