I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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