he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
