So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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