He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
