Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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