I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh god it's open bar.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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