she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
