Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry about my life...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
