If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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