also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
