got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
