i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
