Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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