just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
