Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
