We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
