You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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