Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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