so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize