he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
