i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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