When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
