that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
