My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
