i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
