Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
