He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
