I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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