if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
