well you can't waste a boner
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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