i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
