I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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