ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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