Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
