I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
